When I was a kid, I was often told off by the elders around me for being too inquisitive.
I questioned everything! And everyone.
One incident that always stays with me is from the time that I was in grade 3. At one of the parents and teacher meetings, my then class teacher told my father that he should teach me to be quieter and not ask too many questions.
“It is not very becoming for a lady”, she said.
I studied in a convent school. It was not uncommon for remarks such as this to be tossed round back then.
What irked me was- almost no one cared about my questions. Almost everyone wanted me to be quiet. That could never sit well with me. So I did the best that I could- I found my own answers!
One of the many such questions I always had was- Why am I being asked to respect every adult around me? I don’t know all of them. I don’t like most of them. Irrespective, the expectation was that I remain agreeable and polite always.
I quickly learned to put a façade in front of my parents. In their absence, I would only give respect to those who I felt truly deserved it. Which, back then, were less than a handful of people that I knew.
How does one justify giving respect to someone who always indulges in toxic comparisons?
I could not do this back then and I refuse to do it today.
When I became a parent, I knew that I would not teach my child these empty values. He would always have a choice. He would decide who has earned his respect- age being irrelevant.
Thanks to the society we live in, I faced many brickbats. However, I chose to stay firm on my ground. I was shut up enough as a kid. I did not want that for my son.
Today, all of 9 years, he knows that every opinion of his will be heard. Not always accepted, but definitely heard. He knows that his parents are his safe place. He knows that he can tell us anything. He knows that he has the freedom to walk away from people who cannot/ will not respect him.
Choose those who deserve your attention and respect. Choose whose energy you want in your life.
No- we don’t have to diss the ones we dislike. We have the choice of remaining distant, unbothered, and happy.
Have you had experiences like mine? If yes, what did you do? If not, how was it different for you?
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