When I became a parent, I was told by all and sundry just how “lucky” I am to have a spouse like mine.
I have never considered myself to be otherwise.
I have a solid partner who is also an amazing listener, one of my closest friends and someone whom I not only love with all my heart, but also respect a lot for the person that he is. I love it when others appreciate his quiet strength, his sheer determination and the depth of his personality.
I consider myself lucky for having found the right partner. I know he feels the same for me.
However, NONE of his qualities listed above are reasons why I was perceived to be lucky by others.
They said that I am “lucky” because:
He takes takes care of OUR child when I want to sleep
We take turns to change the diapers of OUR child
He “babysits” OUR child when I want to go out for a break
He cooks for us- his family
And so on and so forth.
Do you smell the toxicity here? I certainly did!
Why is it easily assumed that everything “home” is for a woman and everything “work” is usually for men?
On the other hand, even today, I am often judged for being ambitious. “Too ambitious and aggressive” as many have termed me. A woman who wants to maintain a solid lifestyle? With her own money? WHY??? Where’s the husband!? Let him spend and earn while we splurge and chill!
Again a toxic statement for me.
I earn not to make “pocket money”.
I work not because I don’t know what else to do with my time.
I see marriage as companionship. Not a relationship of deep pockets and deeper spending.
I love spending MY money. I love splurging on my family with MY money.
Who gives me the right to watch Netflix all day long, have someone cook for me, someone clean for me and someone earn for me?
Who gives any husband the right to come home and just sit with feet up on the table and contribute NOTHING as help?
Entitlement stops when we view our roles as not being gender specific. If you truly want the idiocy to stop, be the man who chops onions and handles household chores without calling it “help” and be the woman who takes responsibility for paying bills.
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