Dear Son,
I am at work while I take time out to write this letter to you. I feel I need to get certain things to your notice so that if you’ve subconsciously been harbouring any ill-feelings towards me, however small, reading my note will rid you of those.
We are together in a time where social media supersedes real-time relations. What people cannot convey to their near and dear ones, they put across to a larger audience and seek approval for the choices they make. I don’t say I haven’t fallen prey to the mindless adulation one gets from people one doesn’t know. But, to my credit, I can distinguish that admiration from the genuine appreciation of people who know me. I hope the same good sense has passed on to you, too.
I keep reading so many articles by my fellow-mommies who tell the world of the fantastic deed they are doing by placing their families over their careers and themselves. I even read today that they relish every milestone their child achieves. I admire them. Both your grandmothers have been homemakers. They loved it. They knew no other way of life. I never wanted their life. Thankfully, I chose otherwise.
There will be times when you will not have me by your side and you will feel bad about it because the other moms will be there with your friends. Does that mean I love you any less? It doesn’t to me. If you believe that, I wish I could develop your thinking more.
Every thing you do gives me immense pride. Every milestone you cross makes me burst with happiness. It is not any less just because I go to work.
There are a few things I want you to know:
I love you a lot. My love cannot be defined just by being with you 24*7.
Much as I love you and your Papa and our little family, I love myself more. Take this as a learning from me. If you cannot love yourself wholly, you can keep no one happy.
I have not chosen my career over you. I have chosen you both. You may think why JUST YOU aren’t enough for my happiness. You aren’t. I am complete because I choose more than just you. You are my priority, yes. There will be times when I will have to place my work above you. Don’t think that is because I don’t love you. Be proud of me for being professional and sincere towards my work.
You will learn a lot about gender equality at school and in college. That learning will be in theory. Papa and I will demonstrate this equality before you at home. In future, you will treat your partner as an equal as effortlessly as Papa does with me.
You will learn to cope better with situations as you grow because you won’t come running to either my office or Papa’s every time there is a minor hitch. That will make you more independent than most of your other friends.
You will see me have dinner outings with my girlfriends. You will learn early on to value friendships.
I will not buy you random stuff out of guilt. I will buy it because I can. I earn and I’m proud of it. That doesn’t mean I will not teach you how to value money. But, I will unabashedly pamper you as well! No apologies there.
You will see that Papa and I juggle our careers with our family life. You will learn early on how to multi-task and you will learn how to make most of every moment at work and at home.
You will be one of the few men who truly respect the individuality of a woman and not try to cage a woman in roles which are defined by society.
You will learn from me just how passionate a woman can be to carve her own identity and that it is not a sin to do so.
Above all, you will be raised by a woman who is happy. A woman who lives by her choices and is proud and confident of who she is. A woman who doesn’t need approval. A woman who gets judged and receives brickbats for wanting her own interests and career, too. But who doesn’t get bogged down. All of this will ensure that you will respect your woman as she will respect you.
I want you to take pride in my little victories as I do in yours. I want you to speak of me as proudly as you speak of Papa and his career. I want you to know that I love you, even though I love my work. I want you to know that I love sharing my every day stories with you just as you like sharing yours with me. I want you to know that I made this choice in my interest and NOT against yours. I want you to respect that and shut anyone who would try to make you believe otherwise.
With lots of love,
Your proud WORKING MOM.
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